Breakup Rule Number One: If you are a female, indulge in retail therapy.
Of course if you are a female who is also a foodie, your retail therapy is all going down at one store: Williams Sonoma. I make a mad dash there knowing he is coming to my apartment to return the last of my things, and I did not want to deal with any of it. Within twenty minutes of walking through the cream colored arches of the store at the mall, $100 worth of cooking goods are set in their signature metal wire basket...
A new garlic press (can I pretend his head is a clove as I squeeze it through?), a meat thermometer (now I do not feel as guilty over the undercooked pork I accidently served him two months ago that he got sick on), a jar of beef bourguignon base (because wine right now in any way, shape, or form is my friend), pumpkin trenette artisanal pasta (the ultimate comfort food right now with lots of butter), and a brown sugar bundt cake mix (to hopefully counteract the saltiness of my tears right now).
There is a pie crust demonstration going on right now at the counter and I momentarily cringe at the thought of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. He is supposed to be next to me, supposed to cook a side dish. I try to distract myself with madeline cake pans but then spot a spatula I was planning to buy him since he recently got a new griddle and makes hash browns on them better than any diner.
No, no, no. Apparently this is a pie party, not a pity party. I glance at some really decrepit pie crusts on the demo table and my heart totally relates. I seriously consider opening a tin of chocolate peppermint bark right there and then on the spot, but carry on and stare at some herb infused oils instead.
I cooked for him all the time: amazing dishes like cheesesteak, jalapeno mac and cheese, chili, lamb chops, roasted chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, stuffed shrimp. Cooking for us two was a wonderful thing - giving me the greatest joy I ever felt in a kitchen. We even took a cooking class together. Cooking for one...well...I wouldn't know just yet, especially since I cooked each Sunday during football season for us as we watched the games.
I turn away from the oils on the shelf and think about what I want the next time I am here shopping. I want a new cast iron skillet, the Elbelskiver pancake pan, and tupelo honey. Hopefully I will also be in better spirits and bring myself to buy the spatula for my own hash browns.
Ebelskiver pancake pan video